TALE OF THE TAPE

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Fantasy wunderkind and all-around decent guy Andre Johnson just did something pretty nifty. He purchased over $17,000 worth of toys for children in Child Protective Services. It’s an awfully kind gesture, especially during the holiday season. But how does Johnson stack up against the ultimate gift giver, Santa Claus? Let’s go to the tape:

Andre Johnson
Santa Claus
(Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Santa Claus waves during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 28, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
(Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Santa Claus waves during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 28, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
40 Time?
4.41 Seconds
Winner I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
Weight?
Winner A svelte 227 pounds.
Probably more than that.
Receiving TDs this year?
Winner 5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).
None?
Estimated value of Presents
$17,352
Winner Millions and millions
Is he real?
Winner Yep!
Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?
Winner ...I’M GONNA BE RICH!
Set it to a song!
Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.
Winner Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The Winner Is

(Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Winner Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. Zito 2007 Contract Zito
    Barry Zito’s 2006 Giants Contract Vs. His 2015 A’s Contract

    In 2006, Barry Zito was the biggest free agent pitcher signing in MLB history. Eight Years later he’s trying out the team that originally drafted him, hoping for a chance to make a small fraction of his Giants contract. The veteran lefty says he’s playing now for the love of the game. A look at his pay cut will sure make you believe him. Check the numbers:

  2. (Tom Hauck/Getty Images) St Louis Cardinals v San Francisco Giants
    Tale Of The Tape: Willie Mays’ 1966 Contract Vs. Modern Baseball Salaries

    On February 11th, 1966 Willie Mays signed a $130,000 contract with the Giants. At the time, it was the highest in the league. Now the league MINIMUM is $500,000. How would Mays, one of the league’s all time greats, be paid if he were a free agent today? Let’s measure up.

  3. Tom Brady (Photo by George Rose/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Tom Brady Vs. Joe Montana

    If you grew up watching Bay Area football in the 1980’s you dreamed of matching the magic of Joe Montana (or even dressed like him for Halloween). Some of us have come closer than others. After another Super Bowl win, is San Mateo’s own Tom Brady finally there?

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 58,958 other followers