New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

Quarterback Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots leads the team onto the field before taking on the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on September 12, 2013 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)
  • Initial Excitement?
    “YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)
  • Vague Sense of Worry?
    "Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?"
    " Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"
  • Leading man?
    Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.
    Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.
  • Growing Sense of Worry?
    Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.
    Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.
  • Features Hines Ward?
    No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.
    With gusto!
  • Unsettling Level of Violence?
    Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.
    That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.
  • Secret Supervillain
    Bernard Pollard.
    That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.
  • Wise Mentor?
    [Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.
    Michael Caine!
  • Most Illogical Move?
    Cutting Wes Welker!
    Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.
  • Secretly Lousy?
    It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.
With a score of 6 out of 10, The Dark Knight Rises takes it! But don’t put too much stock into this. Both are probably overrated. -Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

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