TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: College Station Vs. Cleveland

College Station
Cleveland
Sam Houston State v Texas A&M
Miami Dolphins v Cleveland Browns
Weather Conditions
Winner Average Temp 69 degrees
Average Temp 49 degrees
Fan Base
Winner Thousands of nubile coeds called “Aggies” screaming Johnny’s name, making eyes at him and texting him their phone numbers.
Thousands of zaftig middle aged men called the “Dawg Pound” screaming Johnny’s name making foul hand gestures at him and texting him death threats after a loss.
Support Team
Yell Leaders: a bunch of elected male nerds who try to motivate the fans with synchronized cheers.
Winner Cheerleaders: a bunch of scantily clad women who try to motivate the fans with sex appeal.
Nickname
Winner Home of the 12th Man
The Mistake On The Lake
Extracurricular Activities
George Bush Presidential Library and Museum
Winner Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and A Christmas Story House
Stadium Name
Winner Kyle Field: The House That Johnny Built? (pending)
First Energy Stadium

The Winner Is

Sam Houston State v Texas A&M
Winner College Station
4 out of 6

This one’s a no brainer. Despite the lack of cheerleaders (why TAMU, why?) it’s quite obvious Johnny Manziel belongs in South Texas. I mean he does have the nubile coeds after all. Heck, they may even name the stadium after him. It will be fun to watch, however, if Johnny Football can handle the frigid temps and mentality of the Midwest.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

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  2. PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 08:  Ben Roethlisberger #7 of the Pittsburgh Steelers hands off to Le\'Veon Bell #26 during the second quarter against the Miami Dolphins in the AFC Wild Card game at Heinz Field on January 8, 2017 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images) KANSAS CITY, MO - DECEMBER 25:  Quarterback Alex Smith #11 of the Kansas City Chiefs in action during the game against the Denver Broncos at Arrowhead Stadium on December 25, 2016 in Kansas City, Missouri.  (Photo by Jason Hanna/Getty Images)
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  3. HOUSTON, TX - JANUARY 07:  Brock Osweiler #17 of the Houston Texans hands off to Lamar Miller #26 at NRG Stadium on January 7, 2017 in Houston, Texas.  (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images) MIAMI GARDENS, FL - JANUARY 01: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots points to the defense during the 1st quarter against the Miami Dolphins at Hard Rock Stadium on January 1, 2017 in Miami Gardens, Florida. (Photo by Eric Espada/Getty Images)
    Divisional Round Tale: Houston Texans at New England Patriots

    The Texans head to Foxboro, the site of a 27-0 loss in the regular season and now have to face Tom Brady this time around.

See All Tales of the Tape

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