TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: USA Vs. Belgium

United States
Belgium
World-Renowned Statue
Winner Statue Of Liberty - Lady Liberty is a goddess symbolizing freedom while towering 305 feet above New York Harbor. Few landmarks are more closely tied to any nation than this one. We love her, even if she was a gift from the French.
Manneken Pis – the 61 centimeter bronze statue of a child urinating is perhaps the most frequented tourist attraction in Belgium. Add to that the fact that they dress the child in costumes ranging from a Tour de France jersey to Mozart and we have to give them a 10 for creativity and a 0 for sanity.
Go-To Waffle
Eggo - They're ok I guess.
Winner Belgian - Powdered sugar and Nutella? That's just not fair.
Condiment of Choice
Winner Ketchup - We've got more packets of ketchup in our break rooms than they have people in their country. Don't make us bring back Freedom Fries to prove we own this category.
Mayonnaise - We'll admit, these guys make a good fry, but then they put mayo on it. We've got serious issues with that. Mayo should be used exclusively on burgers and to drown out any other flavor in your mom's potato salad.
Chocolate You Can Find Anywhere
Hershey's - Unless you are slapping a stick of this between two graham crackers with a gooey marshmallow then we're out. There are a lot of other chocolate options that taste more like chocolate.
Winner Godiva - Belgium is home to some of the world's best chocolatiers, but this one is the only one you've likely heard of here in the states. Does their silk ganache sound better than the "with almonds" option? Yeah, thought so.
Signature Beer
Winner IPA - There are over 300 craft breweries in California alone, we've got more double-hop concoctions than there were gun scenes in the film "In Bruges."
Winner Trappist - They have beer made by monks. If you don't think that's cool, there's no hope for you.
Coolness Of Uniforms
Winner Stripes but no Stars - The Where's Waldo red and white stripes look isn't going to make it on the pitch in Brazil, but having just come off ugly sweater party that is the Winter Olympics, you've got to be impressed by the wearability of the Team USA gear.
Black Devils? - Did they just rip off the Spanish team's uniforms? I guess Fernando Torres and crew aren't using them anymore, but still, the red devils wearing all black and yellow makes no sense.

The Winner Is

Winner United States
4 out of 6

Belgium can hold it's own on the culinary front, but to whip up the nationalistic frenzy needed to move on in the World Cup, nothing beats an awe-inspiring monument and a set of uniforms that pair equally well with Kyle Beckerman's dreadlocks and Michael Bradley's glistening dome. Looks like team USA will be advancing to face either Argentina or the Swiss (nice, more chocolate) in the next round.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. Nigel Williams-Goss #5 of the Gonzaga Bulldogs reacts after a play in the second half against the South Carolina Gamecocks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Final Four Semifinal at University of Phoenix Stadium on April 1, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona. Kennedy Meeks #3 and Justin Jackson #44 of the North Carolina Tar Heels react in the second half against the Oregon Ducks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Final Four Semifinal at University of Phoenix Stadium on April 1, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona.
    NCAA Championship Tale: 1 Gonzaga Vs. 1 North Carolina

    Gonzaga and North Carolina are set to square off in the NCAA Championship. Let’s break down the matchup.

  2. Final Four Tale: 1 North Carolina Vs. 3 Oregon

    North Carolina and Oregon are set to square off in the Final Four. Let’s break down the matchup.

  3. Joel Berry II #2 of the North Carolina Tar Heels handles the ball in the second half against the Kentucky Wildcats during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament South Regional at FedExForum on March 26, 2017 in Memphis, Tennessee. Tyler Dorsey #5 of the Oregon Ducks reacts in the second half against the Kansas Jayhawks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Midwest Regional at Sprint Center on March 25, 2017 in Kansas City, Missouri.
    Final Four Tale: 1 North Carolina Vs. 3 Oregon

    North Carolina and Oregon are set to square off in the Final Four. Let’s break down the matchup.

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS San Francisco

Get The New CBS SF Bay Area Local App
Got Our Weather App?
Listen to Radio.com Anywhere, Anytime!

Listen Live