TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: USA Vs. Belgium

United States
Belgium
Statue of Liberty
belgica
World-Renowned Statue
Winner Statue Of Liberty - Lady Liberty is a goddess symbolizing freedom while towering 305 feet above New York Harbor. Few landmarks are more closely tied to any nation than this one. We love her, even if she was a gift from the French.
Manneken Pis – the 61 centimeter bronze statue of a child urinating is perhaps the most frequented tourist attraction in Belgium. Add to that the fact that they dress the child in costumes ranging from a Tour de France jersey to Mozart and we have to give them a 10 for creativity and a 0 for sanity.
Go-To Waffle
Eggo - They're ok I guess.
Winner Belgian - Powdered sugar and Nutella? That's just not fair.
Condiment of Choice
Winner Ketchup - We've got more packets of ketchup in our break rooms than they have people in their country. Don't make us bring back Freedom Fries to prove we own this category.
Mayonnaise - We'll admit, these guys make a good fry, but then they put mayo on it. We've got serious issues with that. Mayo should be used exclusively on burgers and to drown out any other flavor in your mom's potato salad.
Chocolate You Can Find Anywhere
Hershey's - Unless you are slapping a stick of this between two graham crackers with a gooey marshmallow then we're out. There are a lot of other chocolate options that taste more like chocolate.
Winner Godiva - Belgium is home to some of the world's best chocolatiers, but this one is the only one you've likely heard of here in the states. Does their silk ganache sound better than the "with almonds" option? Yeah, thought so.
Signature Beer
Winner IPA - There are over 300 craft breweries in California alone, we've got more double-hop concoctions than there were gun scenes in the film "In Bruges."
Winner Trappist - They have beer made by monks. If you don't think that's cool, there's no hope for you.
Coolness Of Uniforms
Winner Stripes but no Stars - The Where's Waldo red and white stripes look isn't going to make it on the pitch in Brazil, but having just come off ugly sweater party that is the Winter Olympics, you've got to be impressed by the wearability of the Team USA gear.
Black Devils? - Did they just rip off the Spanish team's uniforms? I guess Fernando Torres and crew aren't using them anymore, but still, the red devils wearing all black and yellow makes no sense.

The Winner Is

Statue of Liberty
Winner United States
4 out of 6

Belgium can hold it's own on the culinary front, but to whip up the nationalistic frenzy needed to move on in the World Cup, nothing beats an awe-inspiring monument and a set of uniforms that pair equally well with Kyle Beckerman's dreadlocks and Michael Bradley's glistening dome. Looks like team USA will be advancing to face either Argentina or the Swiss (nice, more chocolate) in the next round.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. BALTIMORE, MD - DECEMBER 4: Tight end Dennis Pitta #88 of the Baltimore Ravens celebrates with teammate quarterback Joe Flacco #5 after scoring a second quarter touchdown against the Miami Dolphins at M&T Bank Stadium on December 4, 2016 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images) FOXBORO, MA - DECEMBER 04:  Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots looks to throw a pass during the second half against the Los Angeles Rams at Gillette Stadium on December 4, 2016 in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)
    Week 14 Tale Of The Tape: Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots

    The Ravens and Patriots meet again in Gillette in what should be another great game.

  2. MINNEAPOLIS, MN - DECEMBER 1:  Dak Prescott #4 of the Dallas Cowboys hands the ball off to Ezekiel Elliott #21in the first half of the game agains the Minnesota Vikings on December 1, 2016 at US Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images) PITTSBURGH, PA - DECEMBER 04:  Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants drops back to pass in the first quarter during the game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field on December 4, 2016 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images)
    Week 14 Tale Of The Tape: Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants

    The NFC East rivals meet again in the Meadowlands as the Cowboys look to avenge their only loss of the year.

  3. SEATTLE, WA - DECEMBER 04: Quarterback Russell Wilson #3 of the Seattle Seahawks passes during warmups before a game against the Carolina Panthers at CenturyLink Field on December 4, 2016 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images) GREEN BAY, WI - DECEMBER 04:  Aaron Rodgers #12 of the Green Bay Packers is pressured by Christian Covington #95 of the Houston Texans during the first half of a game at Lambeau Field on December 4, 2016 in Green Bay, Wisconsin.  (Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images)
    Week 14 Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers

    The Seahawks travel to Lambeau for a match-up with the resurgent Pack.

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS San Francisco

Get The New CBS SF Bay Area Local App
Got Our Weather App?
Listen to Radio.com Anywhere, Anytime!

Listen Live