kpix-7-2013-masthead kcbs 7-2013-masthead

TALE OF THE TAPE

Watching Monday Night Football Vs. Watching The Presidential Debate

It’s that strange time of every fourth year when you have to make the decision… to watch Monday night Football or the Monday Night Presidential debate. Sure you care about your team making it to the Super Bowl, but maybe you care about the future of America even more. If you’re still undecided on what to watch, maybe this will help solve that problem.

Monday Night Football
Presidential Debate
football TotT getty[1]
Debate Getty[1]
30 MINUTES BEFORE
Winner You do 100 push-ups, chug two beers, go outside and pee on a tree. Establish your dominance.
You take 100 deep breaths, read a Deepak Chopra excerpt online, clear your mind. Don't worry, the country only has a 50/50 chance of going down the drain come November.
YOUR GUYS
Winner Your team isn't playing but you're rooting for the team you hate the least out of the two.
Your homeboy Newt didn't make it this far, but you can see past Romney's flaws, including driving around with his dog on the roof of his car, just tonight though.
GUESTS
Winner Invite only friends who root for your team. You win together, you lose together.
Invite only friends who agree with your belief systems, everything from gay rights to gun control. If you invite the wrong people, friendships will be destroyed.
LIVE TWEETING
Tweet during the commercial breaks only, check in with your buddies, if you take your eyes off the game, even for one second, it's bad luck and your team will lose.
Winner Tweet your thoughts and opinions on every word, sentence, look, during the debate. Commercial breaks are for breathing exercises.
RULE ENFORCERS
When the ref throws a flag against your team, you get apoplectic and you need to probably visit an anger management class...where is this coming from?
Winner When the moderator isn't giving your candidate the proper treatment, you just sit on the couch, cross your arms and shake your head. That will teach them!
Snacks
Chips, salsa, wings, pizza, beer. Duh. You're an animal.
Winner Cheese platter, bowl of olives, wine. You're an adult. Duh.
YOUR OUTFIT
Winner You wear your team colors and lucky socks, you're even wearing your favorite player's jersey with his name on the back. Man-crush, much?
You're wearing all blue cause you're a democrat, or all red cause you're a republican. This image is so disturbing, don't even get me started.
AUDIENCE
Winner There's a few close-up crowd shots, people cheering... whoa!! Who's that hot blonde in the stadium cheering for my team?! Ah, the perks of being a fan.
There's a few close-up audience shots... wait... were all the attractive people busy tonight or something? Good looking people aren't interested in politics? This just doesn't make sense.

The Winner Is

football TotT getty[1]
Winner Monday Night Football
5 out of 8

The winner is Football. As tough of a sport as it is, the real injuries are suffered in the political arena.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (Photo by Rich Schultz /Getty Images) (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Philadelphia Eagles At Indianapolis Colts

    Nick Foles could not believe his eyes when he looked at the scoreboard in Week One and found his Eagles trailing the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars 17-0 at home in the first half.

  2. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At San Francisco 49ers

    The Bears had a disastrous home loss to the Buffalo Bills in the season opener, and they now play six of their next eight games on the road.

  3. NEW YORK, NY - MAY 08: Johnny Manziel of the Texas A&M Aggies takes the stage after he was picked #22 overall by the Cleveland Browns during the first round of the 2014 NFL Draft at Radio City Music Hall on May 8, 2014 in New York City. LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 06: A Storm Trooper poses for the camera at the London Film And Comic Con at Olympia Exhibition Centre on October 6, 2013 in London, England. The event, which runs for two days, sees thousands of sci-fi, comic and gaming fans come together. The event offers the opportunity to meet TV and Film stars, see genuine props, browse merchandise stands and dress up as their favorite cult characters.
    Does Johnny Manziel Or Star Wars Episode VII Deserve More Hype?

    The NFL debut of Johnny Manziel is as anticipated as Star Wars Episode 7. Which deserves more hype?

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 53,912 other followers