Commentary By Brandon Mercer

COMMENTARY (Obviously)

It’s time to reconsider what Valentine’s Day is all about.  Forget the guilt. Forget the pressure, and forget the pink ribbons and incessant flowers.  It’s time men get in on the gift-getting. What are you getting YOUR guy, women?

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Let’s talk gender equity. Men, it’s time to take back Valentine’s Day.

We put equal, heck more effort, into the relationship. It’s time women panicked about not having the perfect gift FOR US.

Now, forget the flowers.  We already have something pretty to look at– (It’s you, of course.)

And forget jewelry.  We’re WAY too practical for bling.

A “bouquet” of a dozen long necks will do it.

Maybe a bottle of Scotch.

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Or a bag of beef jerky.  Electronics would be okay too.

We’re simple creatures.  We want things that we enjoy.

And retailers?  Think about it — women are the demographic you want. They spent the cash. They make the buying decisions.  Time to start marketing to them.

Where’s the FTD Floral bouqet of IPAs? A bottle of whisky wrapped in red ribbon?

As for a date? Sure, but how about we forget the romantic movie.  We already have romance. And those sappy movies just set unrealistic expectations that we’ll spend the next 11 months trying to live up to.

A good action flick.  Something where the only hearts breaking are those getting pumped full of lead from a 9mm Glock fired by a rebel hero-turned-vigilante.  Good triumphs over evil. We enjoy popcorn.  We’ll even hold your hand the entire time, or cuddle up.  Just don’t talk during the action scenes.

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Happy Valentine’s Day, my beloved.  Now, about that beer…